Y’all, I don’t even know where to start. The last time we spoke, I had kind of hinted as to what a rough year it had been, but I left a really important part out (on purpose). I was getting a divorce. At the time that I wrote the last post, I knew that my marriage was done, but the ex and I hadn’t had our final talk yet. That talk came about a week later. For privacy purposes, I won’t go into why our marriage ended. I will say that it was a very, very difficult decision and one that I did not make lightly. We had our issues and had been dealing with them throughout our entire marriage. I was determined to make it work. I was 110% sure that we were going to remain married to each other for the rest of our lives. But then, one morning things just clicked. I struggled from that morning on. I just knew that this marriage wasn’t making either one of us happy.
Happy. It’s such a simple word, but there is SO much meaning behind that word. I know that marriage isn’t always great and full of romance. I know it’s HARD. Believe me, we definitely worked through some pretty dang hard things. We made it through those hard things, sure. But, those hard things left scars the size of mountains. Trust was lost. Happiness was lost. Those two things are very difficult to get back. You NEED those two things. Without them, you’re just kind of going through the motions and waiting for the next shoe to drop. That’s what I was doing. We were both aware of that. He told me many of times, “you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop.” He was right. I’m here to tell you that is not a way to live. So, to make a long and difficult story short… We made the decision to do the right thing for US.
I can honestly say that it was the HARDEST decision of my life. But, on the flip side, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. That may sound harsh. It’s not. I’m not happy because I’m away from him. I’m happy because I started doing things for ME again. I lived my life for him. Now, I live my life for me. Also, to add to my happiness, I met someone. Isn’t that how the story goes? I wasn’t trying to meet anyone. Truly, I wasn’t.
I was out with a friend at a sport’s bar and we were waiting for our other friends to get there. Well, she said “Why don’t I invite Wes?” I said sure. Wes was one of our coworkers. Well, I thought she was talking about the other Wes – the one who works day shift with us. She was actually talking about the Wes that works the night shift. Well, her and I are sitting there talking and I notice this guy walk by our table and I think, “Wow, that guy is hot.” Well, he sat down at our table. That’s when I had my “oh crap” moment. Then, I immediately became a little bummed. I knew he was way younger than me and therefore, I was no longer interested. I never, ever date younger. Never. Well, never say never. That night we began talking. A week later I moved into my new apartment and then the next night we went on our first date. The rest, they say, is history. :)
I know this has become super long, but I want to say this about my happiness. On paper and to others, my ex and I had everything going for us and we were perfect for each other. We both graduated from the same college, worked in the same field, made great money, and enjoyed the same things. But, there was one thing missing. Our love languages were completely different and I needed affection. I craved it. He didn’t grow up in an overly affectionate household and I did – that was a huge difference and a huge struggle for me. I needed affection and I wasn’t getting what I needed. The new guy? If you look at us on paper, we have our differences that stand out. The age gap being one of them. But, I have never met a more affectionate or sweeter guy in my life. He literally treats me like I’m the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know the relationship is still new. I know things will eventually change. But, for now, I’m enjoying every moment of it and I’m loving the happiness that he brings to my day. He truly makes me happy and I’ve learned that happiness is a very sacred thing.