Anger.

I read a post on Facebook today and although I can’t remember what the post was about, I remember that one of the comments said that divorce was the easy way out.  I wanted to reply to that person’s comment and tell them how wrong they are, but I didn’t.  Instead, I’m going to give my two cents here.  

To me, divorce was not necessarily the easy way out.  I had worked so very hard in my marriage.  I had forgiven (but not forgotten) so many things.  I had brought my issues with the relationship to the table and I discussed them with my ex.  I poured my heart and soul into hard conversations with him.  I honestly wanted things to work out between us.  But, what I received in return was someone who listened, but didn’t hear.  Someone who said he understood, but never took action to fix the issues at hand.  I’m not going to sit here and bash my ex, because I know that will do no one good.  But, what I want to bring to light is that I tried so hard.  I gave so many chances.  I put up with so many things.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was not perfect by any means.  But, when an issue was brought up, I tried to correct it as best as I could.

I did this for six years.  Towards the end, we had a few conversations where I made it clear that I had reached my end.  Things had to change.  I couldn’t do this anymore.  Now when I say that, I mean that I didn’t want to live this way anymore.  There are certain elements that are needed to keep a relationship going and those elements were missing.  They had been missing for a while and I had prayed about it.  I had fought about it.  I had done whatever I thought I could to make things better.  But at the end, I was tired of things being the way they were.

So, I took the hard road – the road that people like to call the easy way out.  I asked my best friend for a divorce.  He was my rock.  When something happened during my day, he was the one who I reached out to.  When I had good or bad news, he was the one I called.  He was the one I shared my days with, my weekends, my vacations, and my holidays.  He was literally my best friend.  Tell me why people call this the easy road?  To tell someone you no longer want to be married to them is certainly not easy.  Going from best friends to someone you can no longer call is not easy.  Going through a divorce, even after it is over – is not easy.

I have so much anger towards him.  I have anger because my marriage didn’t work out.  I have anger because people make comments that divorce is the easy way out.  Sure, I could’ve stayed and we could’ve lived that way for another half dozen (or more) years, but neither of us were getting what we needed from the other.  Who on earth wants to live that way?  Am I saying that divorce is right?  No, not at all.  But, I’m saying that I had to do what I had to do to make my life better in the end.  I wanted to be with someone who could give me the things that I needed and I wanted to be able to be the person that they needed.  

Divorce is not the easy road.  Divorce isn’t something that I took lightly.  It’s not something that is done and you’re suddenly happy because of it.  I just wish that I could explain to some people that I believe that I did the right thing and I’ll stand by my decision – even though I believe that God doesn’t approve of divorce.  I know that I have sinned, but I also know that He forgives.  I know that He knows my heart and He knows that I didn’t make this decision quickly.

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2 thoughts on “Anger.

  1. I hate that people just have opinions on things that they’ve never been through. Like, if you ask me about abortion, I can tell you what I *think* my opinion is, but truth be told, I’ve never been in that situation and I don’t really KNOW what I would do. My ex-MIL (who had been married for over 30 years and never been divorced) was convinced that counseling would help. So I obliged her and went to the counselor of her choice. I even paid for it. (I know this is only specific to my situation, but) the (Christian) counselor told me that yes, God says that divorce is a sin, but in my case, what if I disobeyed God by marrying this person in the first place? Then divorcing may have just been righting a wrong. I’m not saying I agree with the guy because I had already made up my mind about what I wanted, but it just goes to show that there are so many different opinions and situations and circumstances that it’s really hard to even have an opinion in the first place.

  2. Mike says:

    But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

    We are all sinners who are we to judge…

    Took courage to do what you have done – wish I had the same courage.

    May the Grace of the Lord Jesus be with you always.

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