What Now?

I moved out of our house in March and have been living in a nice one bedroom apartment with my dog, Rocky. Since then, I’ve been enjoying getting out and doing things I normally would never do…such as pedicures, bars, and strip clubs. Yes, I said strip clubs. Y’all, my coworkers are a hoot and somehow we end up at strip clubs after shutting down karaoke bars. At first I was very uncomfortable, but after you talk to a few of the girls, you realize that they’re just trying to make a living and pay for school (although, I’d take student loans any day instead of doing THAT). Anywho, other than the late nights, I’ve started getting back into running…slowly. If you take a gander at my Daily Mile profile, you’d notice that there are months where I did absolutely NO running. Well, that’s changing – starting with this month. I bought a new pair of Brooks and I’ve ran in them 3 times in the last week. That’s more than I did some months combined.

Other than that, I did something really outside of the box for me. I took a conceal carry class and I aced it. I need to send in my paperwork and then I’ll have my conceal carry license. I’m pretty darn proud of myself for that.

This whole not being married thing has taken some getting used to…but I’m making it. I have days when I’m REALLY disappointed in the way things turned out, but then I have other days when I think that it just wasn’t meant to turn out any differently. I know others might disagree, but it is what it is.

That’s about all I have to share for now… I have a 5k tomorrow morning. I’ll post sometime on how that goes. I have no idea what to expect. I know that I’m no where close to where I used to be, but hey, life happened.

Happiness.

Y’all, I don’t even know where to start.  The last time we spoke, I had kind of hinted as to what a rough year it had been, but I left a really important part out (on purpose).  I was getting a divorce.  At the time that I wrote the last post, I knew that my marriage was done, but the ex and I hadn’t had our final talk yet.  That talk came about a week later.  For privacy purposes, I won’t go into why our marriage ended.  I will say that it was a very, very difficult decision and one that I did not make lightly.  We had our issues and had been dealing with them throughout our entire marriage.  I was determined to make it work.  I was 110% sure that we were going to remain married to each other for the rest of our lives.  But then, one morning things just clicked.  I struggled from that morning on.  I just knew that this marriage wasn’t making either one of us happy. 

Happy.  It’s such a simple word, but there is SO much meaning behind that word.  I know that marriage isn’t always great and full of romance.  I know it’s HARD.  Believe me, we definitely worked through some pretty dang hard things.  We made it through those hard things, sure.  But, those hard things left scars the size of mountains.  Trust was lost.  Happiness was lost.  Those two things are very difficult to get back.  You NEED those two things.  Without them, you’re just kind of going through the motions and waiting for the next shoe to drop.  That’s what I was doing.  We were both aware of that.  He told me many of times, “you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”  He was right.  I’m here to tell you that is not a way to live.  So, to make a long and difficult story short… We made the decision to do the right thing for US. 

 

I can honestly say that it was the HARDEST decision of my life.  But, on the flip side, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.  That may sound harsh.  It’s not.  I’m not happy because I’m away from him.  I’m happy because I started doing things for ME again.  I lived my life for him.  Now, I live my life for me.  Also, to add to my happiness, I met someone.  Isn’t that how the story goes?  I wasn’t trying to meet anyone.  Truly, I wasn’t.

I was out with a friend at a sport’s bar and we were waiting for our other friends to get there.  Well, she said “Why don’t I invite Wes?”  I said sure.  Wes was one of our coworkers.  Well, I thought she was talking about the other Wes – the one who works day shift with us.  She was actually talking about the Wes that works the night shift.  Well, her and I are sitting there talking and I notice this guy walk by our table and I think, “Wow, that guy is hot.”  Well, he sat down at our table.  That’s when I had my “oh crap” moment.  Then, I immediately became a little bummed.  I knew he was way younger than me and therefore, I was no longer interested.  I never, ever date younger.  Never.  Well, never say never.  That night we began talking.  A week later I moved into my new apartment and then the next night we went on our first date.  The rest, they say, is history.  :) 

I know this has become super long, but I want to say this about my happiness.  On paper and to others, my ex and I had everything going for us and we were perfect for each other.  We both graduated from the same college, worked in the same field, made great money, and enjoyed the same things.  But, there was one thing missing.  Our love languages were completely different and I needed affection.  I craved it.  He didn’t grow up in an overly affectionate household and I did – that was a huge difference and a huge struggle for me.  I needed affection and I wasn’t getting what I needed.  The new guy?  If you look at us on paper, we have our differences that stand out.  The age gap being one of them.  But, I have never met a more affectionate or sweeter guy in my life.  He literally treats me like I’m the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I know the relationship is still new.  I know things will eventually change.  But, for now, I’m enjoying every moment of it and I’m loving the happiness that he brings to my day.  He truly makes me happy and I’ve learned that happiness is a very sacred thing. 

Goodbye 2013

Y’all, I’m beyond ready to say goodbye to 2013.  I can honestly say that this has probably been the most difficult year ever.  I thought 2013 would be awesome, because my favorite number is 13 (lol).  But honestly?  It has pretty much sucked. 

My parents split and divorced.  My dad went a little coo-coo….He got engaged….He had a heart attack…..Had a stint put in because he had 95% blockage in his “widow-maker.” 

Y’all, I’m a daddy’s girl – that stuff alone about killed me.  Add to it some other issues and I’m ready for this year to be over.  Seriously.  I know this is the season of Joy and Giving, but I feel like everything has been sucked out of me.  Can we just get this month behind us (the first Christmas where my dad wont be there for our normal Christmas traditions) and get started with 2014 already? 

Oh, and as if this month isn’t stressful enough, I’m having a minor surgery in two weeks.  The plus side?  I get to stay home for a few days and watch movies (at least that’s the plan).  I really hope y’all had a great year, but if you don’t mind, can we just fast forward to January?